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I Survived a Road Trip with the Fam and Here is What I Have to Say About It

June 29, 2011

Do you recall this poem?

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his gold in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

Well I do not want to brag but, lyrical genius that I am, I have created a version of this little limerick that is vastly superior to it and every other version ever devised. Prepare for your mind to be blown. Here it is.

A family jumped in a bucket.
The seven made off to Pawtucket
Where they met up with more fam
in a house with one can
And as for showering, Pawtucket.

Tah dah!

With that out of the way, take a look at my New York State McDonald’s coffee. It was totally gross but the happiest coffee I had ever seen.

I love being gross!

Cruising around Pawtucket in my boyfriend’s parent’s minivan like a boss, I discovered a few things. Here are a couple of the things I surmised (correctly or incorrectly, it doesn’t matter because it’s my blog) about Rhode Islanders.

1. It is a good idea for  Rhode Islanders to make extra sure that their hairstylists are indeed holding a hair dryer before any trigger is pulled. For case in point, see the photo below.

Mental note: Hairdryers weigh the same as handguns. Second Mental Note: Hair is easier to clean off the floor when there is no blood or scull in it.

2. Rhode Islanders have much cleaner minds than I do. I could never say, “I’m off to Junior Liquors.” with a straight face. It just couldn’t happen.

One day I'll graduate to semi-pro.

And now from Boston, MA…

1. Apparently Woody has Goodies but Norm has Nuts:

Woody's Goodies and Norm's Nuts

2. Tourists are stupid.

Tourists are so stupid. We have to label everything. Gawh!

3. Bostonians like to fuck with drunken tourists.

So here is what were going to do. We're going to build a building that looks like a boat and put it as close to the water as we possibly can. Take that, drunken tourists!

Of course there is more. I just have not decided if it is entertaining enough to post.

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