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Status Update Jerks

November 19, 2011

Ralph WiggumDo you ever read a tweet or a status update and think wtf? You know the kind I’m talking about. They are those little gems that make your fingers itch to write a response that is scathing, sarcastic, dry, or even equally inane as the original statement. If you are like me you instead use every ounce of willpower you can summon from your being to ignore said tweets or status updates. You may even have to take a deep breath and simply walk away from your computer.

And then you come back.

And it is still there.

The tweet that goes a little something like this: My coffee tastes good.

And an image of Ralph Wiggum pops into your head. Your digits fly over your keyboard. You type your response: My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

Your finger hovers over the enter key before you delete. Instead you hit the refresh button and a new tweets pops onto the screen. My lip gloss is gross or My hair tastes funny. You sigh and decide to check out Facebook. This is where, in the “news” feed, you see something along the lines of: I have the best, most amazing, funny husband in the whole wide world. XXOO ROLF LMAO ❤ 🙂 Repost if you feel the same way.

Sometimes the problem tweet or status update is not necessarily dumb. There is simply a matter of that wide open opportunity for a fun retort. Those are the ones that I can’t seem to leave alone. In fact, I would feel dumb not leaving a rude remark. For example, in the following Facebook status update, guess which response is mine:

The Answer is I Want a Puppy.To look over responses to Facebook status updates that are much cleverer than mine head why not head over to Failbook? That is where I will be wasting much of my next hour.

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20 Comments leave one →
  1. November 19, 2011 7:21 pm

    DC, here’s a status update you can leave (and it’s true). My cat’s feet smell like popcorn!!

    Not only that, if you have a dog, their feet smell like Fritos. I’ve tested it…it’s true!! How did someone discover this? That’s what I want to know for Christmas!!

    Herb

    • November 19, 2011 7:35 pm

      My dog’s paws do smell like Fritos sometimes. Which is gross. I would probably lose my nose if I tried to smell my cat’s claws. I am guessing they just smell like bitch.

  2. November 19, 2011 8:13 pm

    I hate the status updates that say-‘I’m cleaning out my friends list–repost this if you want to stay my friend, otherwise, I’ll understand.’ Actually, anything that says ‘repost this’ is stupid. If I like something, I may repost it, but if you tell me too, I definitely will not.

    • November 19, 2011 9:02 pm

      Absolutely. Any post that begs me to re-post or prove that I’m a good friend makes my blood boil.

  3. November 19, 2011 9:06 pm

    You had to be the one asking to be the nutty one. Haha! I hate those repost status updates of ooey gooey BS, but occasionally there will be one that works for me…but I “amend” it to not sound like sappy, insincere, manure.

    The Christmas status is solely obligatory and has no thought behind it. It’s expected people will want to be as giving as possible so they post corny, fakey updates, but everyone is actuakly hoping they get something from Santa they REALLY want. And that’s okay. Just be real. I think that’s what I’m saying. I ramble at times.

    • November 19, 2011 9:22 pm

      I was the one who said I want a puppy. 🙂 My boyfriend said that he would add that he wants a starship if he every went on Facebook.

  4. November 19, 2011 9:23 pm

    I wouldn’t have asked to be the nutty one, I would have said I’m the nutty one, knowing full well the person who posted it was totally referring to me – and a few other of my friends who shall remain unnamed!

    I don’t spend much time on facebook. I have VIEWS. It doesn’t make me popular in some quarters. I’ve promised someone I will blog about it one day.

    • November 19, 2011 9:31 pm

      Yeah, try as I might I have a hard time holding back on Facebook.

  5. November 19, 2011 9:51 pm

    I see these comments a lot, particularly because a good portion of my FB friends are people I went to high school with. So I get “pork chops for dinner”, “went to Wal-Mart today” and at least one or two “I love my family and God” type of declarations. Here’s a gem from today: “REALLY I just had to teach julie how to cook frozen chicken patties with cheese REALLY wtf”…..

    So yeah. I feel your pain.

  6. November 19, 2011 9:53 pm

    I admit I tweet or post stupid things (not the repost ones on Facebook) but most of the time I do it because I want to see the random funny responses I get. I love the people I follow and who follow me, they are hysterical, yourself included, ma’dear. Other times I do it because I am quite literally stupid at those moments. 😉

    So please if you ever see a stupid tweet from me, I encourage you to respond!

    • November 19, 2011 10:22 pm

      Karen, your tweets are always entertaining. I actually spend time trying (and failing) to come up with equally entertaining responses.

  7. November 20, 2011 1:11 am

    I advertised for a used happy space today. I’m having one of those days where if I saw that Christmas post on my wall I’d be the one saying, “I fucking hate fruit cake.” I might even leave in the eff word. I’m glad I came here to read your post. It brightened my day a little.

    I can always count on you for that.

    • November 20, 2011 1:25 am

      I saw that advertisement and it made me think of my happy place. It’s in Florida where a dolphin kissed me. And you have just brightened my day! Thanks, Erica! You are awesome.

  8. November 20, 2011 5:48 am

    Yeah, that’s me on Facebook. I have stayed away from there because of the sudden surge of motivational posters and copy this post if you love Jesus statuses. Can’t take it.

  9. November 20, 2011 5:51 am

    Could not agree more!

  10. November 20, 2011 9:27 am

    Just couldn’t help reading all these important status updates, LOL!

  11. November 20, 2011 12:21 pm

    LMFAO — this post is hilarious. I’m frequently guilty of putting crazy things on my Facebook page. Most of the time, it’s because I need to stay self-amused when I work from home. LMAO …..

  12. November 22, 2011 10:38 pm

    I’d probably use “Please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket.”

  13. November 25, 2011 1:31 pm

    God yes I hate inane status updates so much. ESPECIALLY people who say things like “i♥my boy sooooo much.” facebook needs a dislike button, or even better a “who the fuck cares” button xxx

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