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Two Girls and a Kid go to Detroit

April 14, 2012

I recently read an entry on Angel’s Chasing Serenity Blog, about a father/daughter duo who wouldn’t mind taking over the world and dressing people up as Batman to eradicate evil from Detroit. This reminds me of a recent experience that I would now like to share. Here goes.

My mom, brother and I were driving around Detroit.

What is a family from Toronto, Canada doing driving around Detroit, you ask? Why, we were looking for a Starbucks of course. There are three of them in Detroit, you know.  Here are some snippets of conversation during our leisurely drive:

“Wow, look at all these old abandoned houses!”

“They’re not abandoned, mom. There is a car out front of that one and a boat on trailer in that driveway.”

“But all the windows are broken. Look that roof is lopsided. They must be – oh no, wait. I see people in that one.”

“Stop waving, Mom.”

“I’m just being friendly. If they don’t want me to be friendly they should hang curtains. And get windows that aren’t broken.”


“We’ve been driving for an hour. We could be sitting in a Starbucks in Windsor by now.”

“But I want a Starbucks mug that says Detroit on it.”

“Jesus Christ, Joe. Even if we find the Starbucks, they are not guaranteed to have a tourist mug.”

“D.C., stop being so reasonable. You’re upsetting your brother.”


“Okay, I’ve been in this car for too long. I need a walk.”

“Um. This doesn’t look like the best neighbourhood, D.C.”

“Oh, so you have noticed. Perhaps that’s why there is such a lack of Starbucks! I need out of this car.”

“Okay, we’ll stop for gas.”


“Holy shit! There is candy I’ve never heard of in here! They’ve combined restaurants with bags of chips. That’s insane. Have you seen chocolate bars this size before?”

“Joe, I think your sister’s talking to you. Answer her.”

“He can’t answer you, Mom. His face is full of Nutter Butters.”

“What the hell are Nutter Butters? Oh screw, it I don’t care. I am going to kill someone if I don’t get a Starbucks….Wait.  I don’t mean that literally.”


“I think we are the only Canadians on earth to be kicked out of a Detroit Gas station. Way to go, Mom.”

“We weren’t kicked out. He just glared at us and purposefully reached for something under the counter.”


“Oh look, the Eight Mile road sign. I HAVE to get a picture to show my friends. Mom turn around.”

“Jesus Christ, Joe. We’re not turning arou -. MOM! What is wrong with you? You don’t pull u-ies so your son can take a stupid picture. You are insane.”

“Yeah, mom. I didn’t want it that bad.”


“I am getting so tired of looking for a stupid Starbucks. You’d think they’d have an app for that.”


“See I told you we’d find a Starbucks eventually. Okay, close that app and shut off data roaming.”


“What do you mean you don’t have Detroit mugs? Mom, we need to go to another Starbucks.”

“Mom, if you agree to go to another Starbucks, I swear to God I will kill you both right now….Wait. I didn’t mean that literally.


I have left out the parts where my mom did the exact opposite of what I read off the map just because she thought it was fun to see me turn purple with anger.

detroit starbucks mug

Detroit Starbucks Mug - Proof That They Exist

4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2012 9:23 am

    From Michigan, been to Detroit, been a Michigander wondering in Toronto looking for a place to have dinner. 🙂 we ended up on the Bridge…. the boarder officers, “Why are you crossing tonight?” ” ummm, we going to dinner.” This is what happens when you let a man from Grand Rapids drive in a real big city. Lol

    • April 15, 2012 9:19 pm

      Lol! I think my bf has a similar story about driving around in Grand Rapids!

  2. April 14, 2012 3:45 pm

    I live in the Detroit Metro Area and have an office on Seven Mile in Detroit. Can you believe what you saw is actually an improvement? If you were downtown, you would have found a lot of great restaurants, theatres, and sports arenas. Also, we have GreekTown and casinos. Sadly, it’s only a small part of the city. Once you get out of the city limits, there’s a Starbucks every couple of miles! If I had known you were in the city, I would’ve pointed you in the right direction! Our racehorses are boarded outside Toronto so I’ll be in your neck of the woods a few times this Summer. Thanks for making me laugh!

    • April 15, 2012 9:18 pm

      I did see some of downtown and it looked pretty cool. Unfortunately, if there is a bad area to find, my mom and I as a team will some how end up there. 😀 Let me know when you’re in Toronto next, we will meet on Toronto Island for a drink!

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