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Mad Libs Style Rejection Letter. Suitable For All Situations

May 23, 2012

I recently read a blog post entitled, Now My BLOG has a Rejection Slip — Is NOTHING Sacred? In the post, Rob asks the following:

I mean not to be disrespectful but it makes me feel like every person with a web page has decided they can enter the REJECTION SLIP GAME.

This got me to thinking two things. The first was, screw KDP Select for sending a rejection letter to Rob’s blog. So what if Rob doesn’t particularly care about this rejection, and sure, they had a valid reason. Regardless, I still say screw them.

The next thought I had was, “Hey! I own a website. Does this mean I can jump on the rejection slip game?” Hells yeah, it does.

So folks, I have created a handy dandy, Mad Lib’s style rejection letter. All I have to do is circle the appropriate spots and hand it over. Starting today, I will carry my rejection letters and a pencil on my person, everywhere I go. Bad attitude from a waiter? Whip out my rejection slip. Racist joke? Out comes the rejection letter. My friend makes me sit through two hours of horrible acting in a play about vaginas? Babe, I love you but you’re getting the rejection slip.

Dear (Sir / Madame / House Pet / Androgynous Life Form),

It is with (sincere regret / mild consternation / blood boiling anger) that I must (reject / burn / point and laugh at) your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances).

While your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances) does / do show (promise / a complete lack of common decency / the beginnings of an illustrious career as a serial killer / malicious intent / your true colours), it is not what I am looking for at this (time / stage of drunkenness).

I wish you much (luck / hot dogs / jail time / rejection slips) in your future endeavors.  Please note, I will not return your (manuscript / screen play / disastrous creative explosion / service / opinion / ill-designed product / sexual advances), nor will I keep it/them on file. I may, however, (turn it over to the police as evidence / share it with all of my friends so they can get a good laugh / post an excerpt on my blog for an informative segment I call What Not To Do / send you my resulting psychiatrist bills / drink myself into a drunken stupor in an attempt to forget this ever happened).

(Sincerely  /  Go to Hell / Suck it Up, Buttercup),

D.C. McMillen

If you would also like to jump on the rejection letter game, you are welcome to copy, paste and print the above letter for your personal use. If, however, you don’t like the letter then please feel free to create your own rejection letter to reject my rejection letter and email it to me. At which point, I will wholeheartedly reject your rejection. Or cry. It could go either way, really.

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. May 23, 2012 8:58 am

    Wow…extremely funny!

  2. May 23, 2012 12:35 pm

    Sometimes one word sums up the compliment. Nice. So irrefutably, irrevocably, irresistibly NICE.

  3. May 23, 2012 3:37 pm

    That’s got to be one of the greatest things I’ve seen in a while. Love it!

  4. Natasha Larry permalink
    May 23, 2012 3:51 pm

    LMAO! Very nice. I would add something more constructive… but I’m too busy laughing 😉

  5. May 23, 2012 4:02 pm

    ROFL! I love this. Can I (borrow / reword / rip this off) for my own blog? ^_^

  6. May 23, 2012 4:20 pm

    I’m trying to decide if I would get fired for printing that out and taping it to the filing cabinet at work… lol

    • May 24, 2012 4:01 am

      lol! I think you would only get fired if you started to hand them out.

  7. May 23, 2012 5:51 pm

    Hilarious!

  8. Gwynn Scheltema permalink
    May 26, 2012 7:32 pm

    Love it!

  9. May 27, 2012 12:31 am

    I need to print out about fifty of these! Oh the fun I’m going to have. 😉

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