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The Most Expensive Free Cat on the Planet

May 30, 2012

I found her in a barn.

My cat was not expensive in the beginning. She was your typical cat, albeit cuter than most with a smushed in face and zig-zag tail. When she was about seven, however, she started acting funny. She would hiss for no reason, which was not like her. She started peeing wherever she felt like it. She turned from adorable kitty to psycho bitch from hell practically overnight. So I did what any normal girl would do; I took her to the vet.

My cat stepped out of her crate and hissed at the vet.

“She seems like a normal cat to me,” said the vet.

“No,” I protested, “She’s turned into a huge bitch. She never used to hiss at anyone. And she peed on my sofa yesterday.”

The vet dutifully gave her an exam but proclaimed her normal and sent her home. I called the next day to say she started growling and acting shaky. Again he told me it was normal yet I insisted she needed to come back in. I brought her in the next day but, despite the odd hiss, she acted like a little sweetheart. It was sickening. Now the vet was starting to think I was the one with a problem. He looked at me like I was one of those crazy animal people who wanted to take my pet to a cat whisperer or animal psychiatrist.

Determined to prove my cat had real issues, I recorded her next little hissy fit, which seemed to be getting a little worse, on my phone. I brought her back to the vet for a third time in just one week and showed him the video.

“Oh, that’s a seizure,” the vet said. “We should do some tests.”

That is when the whirlwind started. Up until then things crawled at an agonizing pace. At this point in my story, however, everything seemed to happen in a blurry flash. They did tests but the results were inconclusive and very upsetting to my cat. She started having several full blown seizures. I mean, flailing around on the floor, piss everywhere, biting her own paw episodes. At one point she was lying on me when she had one and ripped my arm to shreds.ย  The vet put her on a narcotic drip and when she conked out enough, suggested I immediately bring her to another clinic that specialized in neurological disorders. The next clinic did tests over the weekend. A lot of tests, including a spinal tap and an MRI. All tests ended with a giant “inconclusive”. They also tried and failed to stop the seizures with several drugs, including Phenobarbital, Lorazepam and Clonazepam. They kept having to put her back on the drip.

Luckily, they eventually decided it was “probably” epilepsy and they found a drug combination that worked for her.

Now her seizures are less frequent and usually mild. Sure, I have to cut and then shove pills (that cost about a dollar each) down her throat every day, hire a cat sitter if I am going to be out of town for longer than a twelve hour period, and put up with a pet that is either comically stoned or insanely bitchy but, overall, it’s a happy ending, right?



See, along with the cheerful prognosis of, “She’ll live until the pills eventually destroy her liver,” I also got the vet bills, all nicely itemized for me on my credit card.

Would you like to guess how much?

Please sit down before I tell you. Make sure you are not drinking any liquid that may cause damage to your computer, should you spit it out of your mouth as your jaw drops in horror.

Okay…here is the amount….

…Okay. I’m sorry. I’ve chickened out. I can’t tell you the exact amount. First, you will lose any shred ofย  respect for me that you might currently hold. Second, if the clinic ever gets bombed, everyone on the internet will assume it was me who did it. I’ll get thrown in jail on motive alone.ย  I will however give you a list of things I might have chosen to purchase had I not given all my money to the vet.

1. An all-inclusive trip to Africa.

2. A very nice used car.

3. A whopping down payment on a new car.

4. A plethora of new cats.

5. A larger sailboat off Kijiji.

6. Everything I need to redecorate my living room, as necessitated by my psycho cat pissing on all my furniture.

7. Lots and lots of liposuction to get rid of my hated knees and thighs.

8. An inexpensive wedding, should the bf and I ever decide to get hitched.

9. About as many books as I could probably read in my lifetime.

10. A bunch of ridiculously priced purses and shoes.

It is settled, then. In my next life, I’m coming back as a vet who specializes in neurological disorders.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 30, 2012 9:26 am

    I am so sorry you and your furbaby had to go through this. {{{{Hugs}}}}}
    And would never lose respect for someone that spent an insane amount of money on their furbaby, if I had it, I would have spent it too. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Glad things are back to normal. Giver her hugs from me, please.

  2. May 30, 2012 12:14 pm

    Having had a “free” furbaby who was diabetic and needed shots every day, plus a plethora of other items, I totally get your situation. Didn’t stop me from giggling my head off as I read it however. ^_^ Sad, yet funny as heck. You tell a great story, my friend.

  3. May 30, 2012 12:51 pm

    First (((hugs))) you are an amazing kitty mommy. I bet your kitty knows how lucky she is too, they’re pretty smart that way. My first kitty I got from a barn. Her poor tiny mommy got hit by a car right in front of the greenhouse where I worked in college. She climbed up onto my shoulder (she was tiny then, however she turned out to be a mancoon, do you know how big those get?) and stayed there while I worked for 8-hours<– see smart cat, I took her home and loved her. My youngest cat I got from my girlfriend who adopted a stray cat, a pregnant stray cat that had problems delivering, there's another free cat turned expensive.
    Sorry, off track there, I agree with Kayelle, sad, but totally funny

  4. May 30, 2012 2:24 pm

    DC, after decades raising dogs and doting on cats, I could have easily gone around the world in luxury from my vet bills!!! All too often, health issues are related to environment, and commercial pet foods plus what some people put on their animals (flea collars, anyone???) can contribute to all sorts of nasty issues.
    Oops, gotta go play with dogs

  5. May 30, 2012 7:39 pm

    You are a really good momma. My stray cats have yet to give me too much trouble.

  6. Ria Boulay permalink
    May 30, 2012 11:50 pm

    To make you feel better I got a dog from rescue (cost: $250) who got deathly ill the first year I owned her. After the tab hit 3K I told hubby I didn’t want to know how high it went. Canine ICU isn’t cheap.
    Eventually she recovered but nobody could figure out what happened. Her fever hit 105 several times, vet told me, kindly, be prepared. I remember holding my breath at times when she laid in bed so still.
    She’s curled up next to me now and we never think about the cost.
    Moral of the story? Don’t feel bad, you have plenty of company ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. zencherry permalink
    May 31, 2012 1:56 am

    Boy do I feel your pain on this one. My animals have cost me. Boy howdy have they. Still, you’re amazing and your pets are lucky. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. May 31, 2012 2:13 pm

    Thank you, everyone, for your support and comments. I am glad to know that I’m not the only insane person who will spend ridiculous amounts of money on my animals. I’m also glad my story gave you all a good giggle. I can laugh about it…now.

  9. May 31, 2012 9:11 pm

    You are not alone. I have Pet Insurance just in case there is a major emergency for one of my pets. My Shar-pei has had several things in the years I’ve had her, and without the insurance, I would have had to sell a child to pay the vet.

  10. June 1, 2012 1:27 am

    The only people who make money on animals are vets. I’ve spent a fortune on animals over the years.
    It was worth every penny.

  11. June 2, 2012 3:19 am

    I call my adopted cat the most expensive cat in the world. 2 weeks after having him I had to rush him to an emergency vet at 2AM because his (cat)flu looked so bad he couldn’t breath. That was the first big bill. The last one was last year when he swallowed a bead from his toy and we rushed him to the same emergency place which happily called us back at 3AM to say they’re cutting him open to get the bead out of his stomach….

    I really thought we’re the most unfortunate pet owner, until I read your post. All I can say s kudos to you. Hope your cat gets better xoxo

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