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Botox: The Other Gateway Drug

July 26, 2012

Although I’ve never written about him on this blog, I do happen to have a father. He is a grumpy man with a severe scowl. Deep grooves are permanently embedded between his eyebrows, and when I visit my grandmother she shows me pictures proving that they grow impossibly deeper with every passing year.

Unfortunately, when I scowl, frown, concentrate, etc., my face mimics his to a tee. Since my early twenties I have kept a close watch on this area for any signs of becoming my father. It hasn’t happened yet but now that I’m in my thirties, I notice two little lines that seem intent to stay. Despite the fact that I’ve always known this would happen, and have been watching and waiting, I wasted about six months pretending they weren’t there. When I snapped out of that, thanks to the boyfriend asking why I was glaring at him when he hadn’t done anything wrong for once, I then spent 48 hours curled up in bed lamenting the degradation of my youth. After the sulking, I finally smartened up and sprang into action.

So yesterday I went to my first Botox appointment. Thirty four units of Botox were injected into my lower forehead after I filled out a lengthy questionnaire in a clinic waiting room that was more posh than any room in my condo apartment, impatiently answered the doctor’s questions and arranged myself on what looked like a high-end dentist chair. Once she was finished administering the five needles, she asked, “Okay, shall we do the upper forehead now?”

What? Upper forehead?

She handed me a mirror and sure enough there are two faint horizontal lines creeping in. How could I not have noticed this before? Have I spent so much time examining my scowl that I failed to notice the rest of my face? The doctor went on to tell me that I should have started with Botox on my scowl when it was at the stage as these two new little lines. Ugh. I promised her that I would consider getting injections on those lines (I refuse to call them wrinkles, btw, because they are nowhere near becoming wrinkles yet) on the next appointment in four or five months.

When back in the lobby waiting to pay, a gorgeous woman with the skin of a goddess, unnaturally puffy lips and an outfit that likely cost the same amount as my entire wardrobe sashayed towards me. She introduced herself, asked how my appointment went and then politely suggested I schedule more much needed work.

Um, more work? Like what?

She guided me into her office and showed/explained how I desperately needed the following:

  • A weight loss plan
  • Skin tightening treatments
  • Cellulite treatments
  • Something that will smooth and even my facial skin

There it is, folks. Apparently I’m falling apart. How I did not notice that I’m overweight, covered from head to toe in cottage cheese skin and have a severely uneven facial tone is beyond me. Perhaps it is my boyfriend’s fault for constantly telling me I’m beautiful. Maybe I will blame the man who walked into a wall the other day because he was so intently fixated on my ass. Or should I chastise my mother for saying things like, “If I were your age, I would totally wear that dress.”

So what should I do now? Mortgage the condo or sell off the boat in order to pay the billions of dollars it will apparently take for me to once again be presentable enough to mingle with the rest of society?

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. July 26, 2012 5:42 pm

    Since I am the QUEEN of doing it naturally, I’d say you’re already done more than you need! If it makes you feel better, that’s great. But just think of how that woman afforded that outfit. I’d say let society love you for the wonderful person you are

    • July 26, 2012 8:11 pm

      It’s funny, I walked out of the clinic feeling a little like a freak. I snapped out of it by buying myself a floppy hat, putting on my overly large sunglasses and saying, “There. I’m fixed.” 😀

      • July 26, 2012 9:32 pm

        Long ago I was talked into be the demo for a makeover person at some sort of gathering I was attending with my husband. They troweled c**p on my face, the whole time telling me what beautiful skin I have (thanks to water and a bit of soap) I was miserable the whole evening, especially since I didn’t have makeup remover with me. Ick Yuck. I looked like someone who was afraid of their own face
        Oh, but some of the husbands thought it was wonderful.

  2. juliabarrett permalink
    July 26, 2012 7:01 pm

    Oh god… don’t listen to them. I’m begging you! Yes, you will mortgage your future. Think of it like this – it’s in their best interest that you fix things, not yours – there will always be something else to fix/inject/smooth/cut into…

    • July 26, 2012 8:08 pm

      Yeah, somehow I don’t think I’d be happy living in a box, even if I was wrinkle free. 😉

      BTW, finally got around to reading Captured. Sorry it has taken me so long. I left my 5 star rating on Goodreads and will do the same on Amazon. Good work!

      • juliabarrett permalink
        July 26, 2012 10:38 pm

        Thank you. I think whatever you want is fine as long as you don’t go nuts. I have a friend who gets injections of all kinds every 3 months.

  3. July 26, 2012 7:28 pm

    They’re just trying to “upsell” you on their products. I once went to a dept. store for a lipstick and walked out with $220 worth of makeup!

    • July 26, 2012 8:11 pm

      Wow, if I had a dollar for every time that happened to me…well, I’d probably spend it on more make up.

  4. July 26, 2012 7:40 pm

    I’m scheduling a spa appointment for the celebration of the completion of my first draft, and this is exactly what I’m afraid of, haha. Let us know what you decide!

  5. john permalink
    July 26, 2012 10:40 pm

    You are beautiful the way you are god i have wrinkles and a dip in my forehead due to the work i did in the past but if peeps don’t like me for who i am oh well id rather be lonely and single than plumped and fixed up to suit others. Its whats inside that counts and your beautiful exterior is just a bonus luv ya no matter what you look like hugs:)

    • July 30, 2012 2:46 pm

      Thanks John. I’m feeling better and better about not putting all of my worldly possessions up for sale to cure “old”.

  6. July 26, 2012 10:42 pm

    you rock and you should never forget that you are beautiful wrinkles and all .. god bless me if i ever find someone as beautiful as you .. :)) hugs

  7. July 27, 2012 12:53 am

    There’s a reason why I rarely sell any products in my job – I hate ‘upselling’ and I’m naturally averse to doing it. Good thing I offer brilliant service to my clients instead 😉 I am one of those people who gets uptight as soon as someone starts trying to sell me something. If I wanted it, I would have asked you first!

    • July 30, 2012 2:49 pm

      Yeah, I’m thinking about switching clinics for my next session. Although they might all do the upselling thing. Le sigh.

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