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The First Date That Sucked More Than Mine Is…

August 21, 2012

So the hands down winner of the worst date ever is Lorca, who was forced to go out on a date with her weird and scary stalker. I am pretty sure Lorca already owns a copy of The Rusty Nail, an erotica novella so I’m going to send her a copy of A Decent December as soon as it is published. Yay Lorca! I’m also choosing a runner up so I can give away a copy of The Rusty Nail, as promised.

After careful consideration, Big Ed Magusson’s cringe-worthy car crash of a first date, which ended with with his date bursting into tears and storming out of the restaurant, must come in second place. I mean, she actually cried at the table of a public restaurant. If my date did that (disclaimer: I have had that happen to me after I broke up with a guy in a restaurant), I would want to crawl under a table. Or start crying myself (actually, that would have been a much better reaction than rolling my eyes and telling the guy to grow a pair. Apparently, that only makes the wuss cry harder). Anyway, here is Big Ed’s worst first date experience.

I engaged in online dating for several years, and eventually met my wife that way. However, before I got there, I had many disastrous dates. I got to the point where I’d say, “either I’ll have a good time or I’ll have a story to tell.”

The top story was the date with a very insecure woman–which I did not realize until we met face to face. We sat down for drinks and she immediately asked, “so, what do you think? Do you think this has a chance?”

My reply: “Umm, I’d like to see how the evening goes before I make any decisions.”

“Are you sure?”

“Look, I can either be trying to have a good time or I can be in the back of my mind evaluating and judging everything that happens. I’d rather try to have a good time and save the judgements until tomorrow.”

This seems to calm her down enough that we actually have a pleasant enough time to move from drinks to dinner. Except then she asks: “I know you said you didn’t want to make any decisions until tomorrow, but what do you think about us?”

I’m thinking, “we wouldn’t have gone to dinner if I thought there was a problem” but this second question has thrown a yellow flag. So what I say is, “I really want to wait until tomorrow.” She argues with me a bit, but lets it drop.

So then during dessert she says, “Look, I know you said you didn’t want to make any decisions about a future until tomorrow, but what do you thing our chances are?”

Backed into a corner, I say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t see a future together.”

She starts crying. Then she says she can’t be strong and bolts from the table. I pay the bill despite a discussion about splitting the check before we went to dinner, lean back and have a cup of hot tea, and then go home.

The next day, there’s a message on my voicemail asking for another date. I don’t return her call.

Yeah, um, wow.

To read other first date disaster entries, visit my previous post. There are some doozies.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 21, 2012 3:07 pm

    wow. that’s the first thing you ask on a first date? at least wait until you order the food. or so i’ve been told. 🙂

  2. August 21, 2012 4:57 pm

    Wow – this is where I look back and hope I was never THAT crazy of a lady! I think it would take A LOT of wine to get me to that point!

  3. August 21, 2012 10:07 pm

    I won! I won! I NEVER WIN ANYTHING! And it almost makes it worth having to date my stalker! 🙂

  4. August 22, 2012 2:18 am

    Wow. I’m glad some good came out of that date. 😉

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