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Women Can Rationalize ANYTHING, part two

December 2, 2012

Yesterday I told you the epic story of my plight to find my boyfriend a pair of winter boots. I would like to backtrack a little and tell you how that morning began.

BF: Hey, what do you want for Christmas?

Me: A winter coat.

BF: What’s wrong with the Burberry coat I bought you for your birthday two years ago? You almost never wear it. You could’ve told me you didn’t like it, I would have exchanged it.

Me: I love that coat. I rarely wear it because its a dressy occasion coat. I need a practical winter coat now.

BF: What about the one I bought you three Christmases ago? That was practical.

Me: It’s too practical. I can only wear that when I go up north or if I want to walk the dog when it’s really cold or something.

BF: Okay, why don’t you spell out exactly what kind of winter coat you want?

Me: Black or some neutral colour, warm, bomber style or one that is not quite three quarter length but covers my butt. I can’t decide on that last requirement. I need both, really. One for when I wear long sweaters and one for when I wear a casual dress or jeans that really show off my ass.

BF: Well, at least you finally want something logical. If I can’t find the right coat, what else do you want?

Me: A pair of tall boots with a low heel.

BF: No fucking way am I going to try to pick out a pair a boots for you. I can’t even pick out a pair for myself. What else?

Me: Something shiny that comes in a Tiffany box.

BF: Practical winter coat it is.

Me: Fine. Now let’s go shopping. It’s time for you to pick out your boots, and there’s an awesome sale on at The Bay.

Now, everyone knows how that shopping experience went. What I left out yesterday was that while my boyfriend was shopping for his boots, I surreptitiously found myself a pair of tall boots with low heels. Yay! They would be just $88 after the discount was taken at the register, which was an awesome price because they were originally $200. Unfortunately I had to spend $12 more, before taxes, if I wanted to apply my $25 promo card to the balance. Not a problem for me, I was in the market for a couple pairs of leggings. I put the boots on hold because I had to run to a meeting and didn’t have time to go to another department.

When I arrived back at the store, sans boyfriend, I found my leggings on sale – buy two get one free. Now, this department was so close to the women’t coats that I could not help but notice the epic sale they had on outerwear. It was the same deal as the men’s boots – 40% off plus an additional 25% off at register. So I wandered over…

Let’s fast forward to later that night.

Me: Welcome home, Baby.

BF: Hey what’s in all these Bay bags. *looks in one bag* How many leggings did you buy?

Me: Three.

BF: You needed three pairs of leggings?

Me: It was buy two get one free.

BF: *looks in another bag* Is that a coat in this bag? Did you buy yourself a coat?

Me: Kind of.

BF: I was going to buy you a coat for Christmas! What if I already bought you one?

Me: Yeah, we had that conversation this morning. And since it is not the morning of Christmas eve, I’m pretty confident you haven’t bought me anything yet.

BF: I don’t do all my shopping on Christmas eve.

Me: Yes you do.

BF: Okay but still, you shouldn’t have bought a winter coat.

Me: The sale was too good. I couldn’t NOT buy coats.

BF: Coats?

Me: Yeah, I bought two. One bomber style and one that covers my ass.

BF: You bought two coats? What the fuck, D.C.?

Me: Look, there’s no reason to get upset. Besides, my two coats and three pairs of leggings came to the same price as your one pair of boots.

BF: Oh, so now we gauge all of the money we spend against my overpriced boots?

Me: Well, not from now on. Maybe just for this weekend.

BF: You drive me crazy! Now what am I supposed to get you for Christmas? Boots? I don’t want to try to pick out boots. I’ll end up getting you a pair of come-fuck-me boots* that we both love but you don’t need and then you’ll just go out an buy another pair anyway.

Me: Baby, don’t stress yourself about boots. I already bought the perfect pair today.


Me: Yes but don’t worry, they were, like, a quarter of the price of yours.


Me: Why? The weekend’s not over yet.

BF: *Runs fingers through hair in that way he does when he’s trying to calm down* Okay, you have coats, you have boots. So, all that is left is… something shiny in a Tiffany box.

Me: Hmm, I guess so…

BF: I hate you right now.

* Come-fuck-me boots are tall and have a super high stiletto heel. I own just one pair.


Yep, I can rationalize just about anything. Any to further demonstrate my rationalization skills, let me just state that, if it were up to my boyfriend to make all of the shopping decisions, we would be dressed in hand-me-downs from his parents and thrift store buys. Obviously, he needs me to buy all of our shit, if only to save him from himself, and to ensure a healthy relationship.


11 Comments leave one →
  1. December 2, 2012 7:42 pm

    Ha! I love this! I agree: women can rationalize ANYTHING.

    Also, nice one on the whole Tiffany box 😉

  2. December 2, 2012 11:16 pm

    I’m sorry, I must have missed the rationalisation part. Everything you did made perfect sense. No rationalisation rqeuired 😉

    I tell my hubby to buy books. Then he complains that’s not enough. I say ‘Buy LOTS of books’.

    I took mercy on him this year and told him I want a Microsoft Surface. Sad reality – I’ll probably end up ordering it for him. I draw the line at wrapping it though.

    • December 3, 2012 2:38 pm

      Thank you, Ciara. I thought my actions were completely logical, as well.

      The boyfriend is trying to stop my intake of books cold turkey, since the condo is overflowing with them. I’ve resorted to sneaking them in. I think he would turn to domestic violence if I made him buy me books. Luckily they are the go-to gifts from all of my friends. I can count on them to feed my habit, and keep the boyfriend’s eyeball twitching.

  3. December 2, 2012 11:24 pm

    lol – I just heard Macklemore & Ryan interviewed on triple J. He said the thrift store coat is a full length stone wash denim with red leather collar and tassels. Wow…

  4. December 3, 2012 5:06 pm

    This still sounds like too much trouble to go through for mere companionship. The cat NEVER complains about how much money I spend.

    • December 3, 2012 11:27 pm

      You make an excellent point, Marjorie. Unfortunately, what my cat lacks in opinion about my spending habits she makes up for with gross seizures that cause her to spit an piss everywhere.

  5. December 4, 2012 5:22 am

    You can be both, it’s okay. 🙂

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