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Hanging Antlers: Some Decisions Are Best Made Drunk

December 18, 2012

I called one of my favourite friends to tell him that the gift from my father finally arrived.

“What did he send you?” My friend asked. “A geode?”

“Not quite. I’d rather show than tell. Are you doing anything right now? Why don’t you pop over and see it for yourself?”

“I’ll be there in fifteen,” he answered.

He arrived in ten. I opened the door just a crack.

“Are you ready?” I asked.

“Abso-fucking-lutely. I’ve been waiting almost two weeks to see what the old man gave you.”

“Okay but don’t laugh too much. The gift is completely inappropriate and I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with them but he put a lot of effort into it, okay? He even made the crate it came in.”

“Alright, I’ll show some reserve.”

I opened the door and my friend stepped in. I watched his eyes widen and his mouth form an “O”. It took a few moments for the shock to dissipate and then the laughter erupted.

“Your dad gave you…antlers.”

“Yep, three point antlers from your basic mule deer.”

“Holy shit.”

“I called him and thanked him at which point he explained thatΒ  his wife cleaned and boiled the skull while dad cut the cedar. She varnished the plaque and then dad mounted them with the fabric. See? A lot of work.”

“Does he know you’re vegetarian?”

“Yup….what the fuck do I do with them?”

“What was your boyfriend’s suggestion?”

“He said we could hang them if I wanted.”

“In the condo?” My friend’s eyebrows shot up so far they practically touched his hairline.

“No, in the car. Of course the condo.”

“Why don’t you hang them in the storage locker?”

At this point I must have looked a little upset because he changed subjects.

“Darling, you need a drink. Throw on something classy, I’ll take you to this new place I found.”

We went to this awesome lounge-type place with a live band that played everything from the Charlie Brown Christmas instrumental to Sinatra to Adelle to Kanye West. We drank extra dirty martinis until I knew I would have trouble walking a straight line, and then my friend asked one more time what I planned to do with the antlers.

“You know what, fuck it! I’m hanging ’em up. Those babies are going right over my liquor cabinet.”

“Yeah,” he slurred, “They’ll look fucking awesome over that liquor cabinet.”

“The fabric matches my walls and everything…”

“Hell yeah, it does.”

“This might be the last gift I get from him, you know…and I grew up in a hunting community…I’m a hang these on the wall and people are going to stare at them and then I’m gonnah be like, “Fuck you, it’s my heritage.””

“Yeah, your heritage.” My friend nodded then downed the last of his martini. “And then they’re gonnah wish they had a pair of deer antlers…Fuck…Now I want a pair a deer antlers.”

“Screw you, they’re mine.”

~~~

It’s funny how drinking until you can’t see straight can sometimes put things into perspective. My boyfriend’s hanging the antlers over the liquor cabinet today. I want them up in time for Christmas because I’m hoping they’ll be an excellent conversation piece when company arrives.

extra dirty martini

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. livrancourt permalink
    December 18, 2012 1:46 pm

    Awesome!

  2. December 18, 2012 3:38 pm

    This reminds me of a Christmas years ago when my grandfather gave my parents a ten point buck deer head he had shot for Christmas. My dad hated it. They only hung it up when gramps came to visit. Great story.

    • December 18, 2012 5:35 pm

      Ah, ten point. Now I’m jealous. Mine our only classified as a six in Ontario, three in B.C. πŸ˜€

  3. juliabarrett permalink
    December 19, 2012 6:11 am

    Sometimes you just need to get plastered before you can decide where to hang the antlers. I get it. Been there myself recently.

  4. December 28, 2012 6:25 am

    Please take a picture. I’m quite sure it looks amazing or makes the room look somewhat like a lodge.
    Jae Mac, I’m Just Sayin’…(Damn!)

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