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I’m Not a Perv, I’m Just Curious

April 16, 2013

Most evenings I like to sit out on my balcony. I love the view over Toronto’s financial district. Below my balcony is a court area and then next it, a slight view into the indoor pool. Above the pool is our outdoor tennis court, which is true viewing entertainment when accompanied by a bottle of red. It seems like all of the people who play on that court have two things in common; They suck at tennis and they have the ability to lose their tempers in the most comical of ways. Beyond the tennis court is the Gardner. My peripheral view includes two of the towers on either side of mine that are part of our four-tower complex. It is not difficult for me to turn my head and see the balconies and into the windows of the inhabitants of those four towers. Not that I’m a pervy spy or anything; I don’t usually look unless something catches my eye, like fabulous curtains or a cool movie.  Once I caught a bunch of loud drunks throwing paper airplanes and beer cans off their balcony. I called the concierge to complain and then spent the remainder of the evening wondering when I turned into that person.

Lately, however, I spent more time than I care to admit casting surreptitious glances into one particular window. What first caught my attention was the very deliberate and repetitive movements of what was either a man or a woman or a boy or a girl. After glancing about twelve times, I decided it must be a young adult violently rocking his upper body back and forth while playing a keyboard or something. I lost interest and watched the lights of the TD tower across the Gardner go on and off, which is much more entertaining than it sounds.

The next night, I poured a glass of wine and sat on my balcony once more. A glance to my right and there was the teenager rocking back and forth at the piano again. Except this time I became convinced there was no piano and it was a woman bobbing up and down while giving someone a blow job. Hmm…a little more interesting but, man the lights in the TD Tower – look a those! Which floor will go dark next?

The following night, I stepped onto my balcony again. And again, there was the woman giving a blow job. Wow, two nights in a row? Good for them. I ate my dinner on the balcony, wondering when the tennis courts would be opening up. A friend came over and joined me for a glass of wine. I noticed then that the lady was still there, still bobbing up and down. “Now I know she can’t be giving a blow job for that long. Her jaw would lock up.”

My friend could not make out whether it was a man or a woman, and he had no clue what he/she was doing. Whatever it was, though, he was convinced it was weird.

A couple nights later I found myself on the balcony once again. And so was the man/woman who may be playing an instrument or giving oral sex. I squinted my eyes and decided I’d had it wrong all along. What I was looking at was a man on a rowing machine or some other exercise machine.

On other evenings, I have also concluded that what I’m seeing is:

– A woman doing sit ups

– A man rocking it out on guitar

– A kid banging his head on the wall

-A man rocking violently rocking back and fourth

– A woman or man giving a blow job while someone else watches (On that night, there was someone else in the room, sitting not to far from him/her/it.

I realize that I could easily clear this up by pulling out the binoculars (or pervert aids, as my great aunt Betty calls the very expensive and sophisticated set that sits on her windowsill) but, while I may have turned into that chick who complains to the concierge about drunks littering up the tennis court, I am not yet ready to step into the role of creepy, nosy person who spies into their neighbor’s windows with the help of binoculars. Nope. Guess I’ll just have to stick to stealing curious, sneaky glances until I figure this mystery out. That’s not creepy, right?

Okay, maybe it is a little creepy but Jesus Christ, people, invest in some drapes!

10 Comments leave one →
  1. ekisjan permalink
    April 16, 2013 1:51 pm

    Now this was one of the most enjoyable blog posts I have read in a while! Awesome!

    • April 16, 2013 2:10 pm

      Thanks, I’m glad you liked it. And thank you for stopping by the e-rotica blog!

      • Tatiana Choez permalink
        April 16, 2013 6:43 pm

        I agree with ekisjan. This day just got better with this post. Im glad I took the time to read it. I haven’t laughed this loud in a while, thanks for this. x

        PS: Im sending your blog to my reading list on safari. Cant miss another post like this one. And your grand aunt rocks!

  2. April 16, 2013 3:00 pm

    “Pervert aids!” Lol! My great granny used to stuff things in her bra cups for safe-keeping. She referred to the garment as her “high pockets.”

    • April 17, 2013 1:31 am

      Holy shit, I am totally going to begin calling my bra “high pockets”! I have been known to stuff bills, a lighter, lipstick and other small items in there on occasion, although I usually stick to just one item at a time. Man, old people know how to live – they have so much to teach us.

  3. April 17, 2013 1:32 am

    Thanks for subscribing, Tatiana! I’m glad you got a chuckle.

  4. April 17, 2013 2:40 pm

    I’m fully expecting a follow-up post when you figure out what’s going on in there!!

    • April 17, 2013 2:49 pm

      I’m thinking of inviting over my great aunt Betty with her pervert aids to help figure this out.

  5. April 18, 2013 3:52 am

    All these years I thought my dad’s binocular collection was for scoping out poor little Bambis to shoot. I had no idea what he was really up too!

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