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I Swear I Don’t Ask for Much

April 17, 2013

Hey folks, I just did my first real and official reblog ever! Check out the incredible Lorca Damon’s post (above). She swears she doesn’t ask for much, and though I’ve never met her in person, I tend to agree, except I have no clue how she manages to get away with not sharing chips with her household. My strategy for getting any chips at all is to buy several bags at once and then hope my boyfriend passes out in a greasy carb and sodium filled stupor, at which point I eat the ones that missed his mouth to land somewhere on his shirt. Of course, if he wakes up at any point during the tail end of my carefully laid plan, he assumes I’m hitting on him. It’s turned into a vicious cycle, actually. I bring home three bags of chips and he thinks we’re in for a really hot night. Whatever, it works for us. I have to do something to work off that junk food.

Lorca Damon

I admit it, I am incredibly high maintenance, but not in the usual way. I don’t wear makeup and I don’t have one of those really annoyingly-cliched shoe fetishes that all the popular women seem to have. I actually think high heels are of the devil. But I do realize that I have certain needs that I insist are met, in a timely fashion, too. It’s gonna get ugly if I have to wait to use my own bathroom, and there are whole bags of potato chips in our house with my name written on the bag in Sharpie marker. The kids just somehow know… don’t touch mama’s chips.

But I do try to balance out the complete all-about-me-ness by being a good person when I can. I brake for squirrels if no one’s behind me and if it won’t make me spill my margarita. My “I own a business…

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