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Flirting. We’re Doing It Wrong.

April 20, 2013
My Boyfriend

My Boyfriend Flirting

Me Flirting

Me Flirting

My boyfriend and I both suck at flirting and yet we suck in different ways. My boyfriend is terrible at flirting because he is just really really really bad at it. I mean, it took the guy more than ten years to ask me out on a date. Um, by asking me out on a date I mean he finally got drunk enough to start making out with me on a dance floor and then demand we be together forever. It worked for me.

Now I, on the other hand, suck at flirting because I don’t realize that I’m doing it until someone either winks at me or asks me out. Here are just a few examples, all that which took place at a conference I recently attended.

Me to a random guy: Hey I like your bracelet.

Random guy to me: I like your eyes.

Me: Thanks for saying. I tried out a new shadow today and I was wondering if it was working for me.

Random Guy: Oh yeah, it’s working.

Me: Wait. Are flirting right now? I can’t tell because neither of us have winked at each other.

Random Guy: We’re totally flirting. Here’s my card.

Me: You should probably keep that. It looks like it’s your last one and you never know who you’ll meet here.

Next example:

Me to a different random guy: So are you going to see any of Toronto while you’re in the city?

Different Random Guy: Yeah, I was thinking of going out tonight. Maybe The Loose Moose?

Me: No, that place sucks. You must be staying at The Intercontinental, right? You saw it across the street?

Different random guy: Yep. What other suggestions do you have?

Me: Head east on Front. When you get to Yonge, go south until the next street. It’s The Esplanade. If you like beer, go to the Bier Markt. If you like a pub atmosphere, go to Fionn MacCools. If you want a place that isn’t busy but has good food, go to The Scotland Yard. If you like seeing girls with huge breasts wearing catholic school girl uniforms that are so small they could fit on a Cabbage Patch Kid, go to the Tilted Kilt. They are all right there on the same street.

DRG: Which one do you like best?

Me: The Bier Markt. They have a great selection – about 300 beers.

DRG: That’s a lot. Which one do you usually order?

Me: Hmm…I like Chimay. the one with the red label.

DRG: So, how about we meet there and I’ll buy you a Chimay?

Me: *pause* You know, now that you’ve asked me out, I can totally see that this is where this conversation was heading.

DRG: Yeah, I felt pretty confident you’d say yes.

Me: I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to flirt. I’m just talkative.

DRG: No problem, I’ll just go out with one of my buddies.

Me: Okay, well, you guys have fun at The Tilted Kilt.

DRG: *laughing* I’m sure we will.

Next example:

Yet Another Random Guy: You look like a sexy librarian.

Me: Thanks! that’s the look I was going for. It’s not that difficult to pull off, really. I wear these glasses just about every day but the key is to find the right shoes.

YARG: I’d like to pull that outfit off….

Me: Jesus Christ. Doesn’t anyone wink anymore?

YARG: Huh?

My boyfriend often has to point it out to me when I’m inadvertently flirting. And just as often I point out to him when he’s doing it wrong. Especially when I’m the the object of his flirtation. I would think that after seven years, he’d figure out that stepping out of the shower, tracking water across the floor then twirling his penis while saying, “Look, no hands!” is not what I consider a sexy scenario. In his defense, though, If I just stopped responding with, “Please, just tell me what I have to do to get you to stop that,” he might have caught on before now.


10 Comments leave one →
  1. April 20, 2013 9:18 am

    Too cute. I flirt all the time, without even realizing I am doing it. Lol. Thank goodness my bus drivers just lightly flirt back anymore. Lol

    • April 20, 2013 6:51 pm

      Lyssa, I’m sure the bus drivers are just afraid that they’ll have to face you with red-faced embarrassment everyday after you turn them down because you are totally out of their league. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • April 21, 2013 9:09 am

        LOL. Actually, one did, we have been friends for like 5 yrs now. Went from friendship to something more, then back to friendship and we stay that way. I am always glad we have him his digits.

  2. April 20, 2013 4:01 pm

    Very funny. I’m an unconscious flirter as well. For me I think I’m just curious and really want to know what everyone is doing and why.

    • April 20, 2013 6:52 pm

      Yeah, I am way to curious and outgoing. I think the problem is that us ladies believe we’re just being friendly until it’s just too late to bow out of the conversation gracefully.

  3. April 21, 2013 11:55 am

    Ha ha.
    Chuckling now.

  4. April 22, 2013 12:08 pm

    I totally have your problem – I flirt without knowing I’m doing it! Fortunately (or unfortunately?) I also apparently know how to intimidate the socks off a guy without meaning to do THAT either so the accidental flirting is rarely a problem. It would be nice to know how to do either of those things deliberately.

    • April 22, 2013 11:57 pm

      Lol! I doubt I’m good at intimidating anyone, intentional or otherwise.


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