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Elbows Don’t Go In There

May 28, 2013

As I accidentally put my elbow in my bowl of ice cream, a series of thoughts flooded my mind. Consecutively, yes, but my brain might as well have conjured then simultaneously; they came that quickly.

Holy Hell. Only I would put my elbow in ice cream.

I don’t give a fuck. I’m eating it anyway.

Um, I’m eating the ice cream anyway not my elbow.

You can’t lick your elbow.

Every time I read that stupid spammy message on Facebook that tells me that its a fact that I cant lick my own elbow, I always think, “Why the fuck would I want to lick my own elbow?”

When it has chocolate chocolate fudge ice cream on it, that’s when. Now I know.

Knowledge is painful.

Actually, cold ice cream feels kind of good on the elbow.

I wonder if it would feel good or bad to have sex in a giant bowl of ice cream?

Probably good. And there very very bad.

My boyfriend’s right; I am a weirdo.

For some reason, perhaps to fully bring home the fact that I am, indeed, a weirdo, I then sighed, “My boyfriend’s right.”

My boyfriend happened to be in a dead sleep on the sofa when I stuck my elbow in a bowl of ice cream. I had been trying to wake him all morning through various forms of conversation, prodding, a few threats and perhaps just a little shoving. Even the promise of chocolate chocolate fudge ice cream didn’t get so much as a grunt. When I whispered, “My boyfriend’s right,” however, the asshole bolted upright, fully awake. “Wha? Huh? Wadiddya say? What am I right about?”

“Are you serious? Did you seriously just wake up because you think I think you’re right about something?”

“What am I right about?”

“You’re not right about anything. You must have dreamed it.”

“That sounds plausible. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Wait! I want you to stay awake. Do you want some ice cream?”

“It depends. Are you offering me that ice cream stuck to your elbow?”

“You might as well have it. I can’t lick it.”

“You’re such a weirdo.”

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. juliabarrett permalink
    May 28, 2013 4:28 am

    Ah, he can lick it. How did this happen?

    • May 29, 2013 12:00 am

      I don’t know! Except it was pretty much the boyfriend’s fault. I was jockeying for space on the sofa he was sprawled across. Somehow my elbow just ended up in the bowl.

  2. May 28, 2013 3:04 pm

    “That sounds plausible!” LOL!

  3. May 29, 2013 12:00 am

    He also says, “That story checks out,” a lot. It’s almost always funny when he says that.

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