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I Hate Bullies. Except me, of course. I Like Me.

June 22, 2013

I went to my first ever spin class this weekend. It totally and completely decimated my ass. In fact, as soon as I finished having a fight with a woman in a parking lot and then eating a giant breakfast, I went right to Mountain Co-Op and bought a pair of padded bike shorts.

But back to the fight in the lot.

My boyfriend and I were waiting to pull into the lot. And waiting. And waiting. The couple in the car in front of us could not seem to make up their minds as to whether or not they wanted to turn in so they just sort of blocked the entire driveway while they thought about it.

They finally decided to turn into the lot and slooooooowly moved forward. We thought they were going to take a spot directly in front of them but at last minute they made a fast and wide turn. I figured they just saw the plum spot right by the diner’s doors. We slipped into the spot they had passed up and parked. My boyfriend got out of the car first – I was moving uber slow because of the fucking spinning class. He walked around behind the car to come round to my side and open my door. This is when the woman started screaming.

“You took our spot!”

My boyfriend thought she was joking. “If it’s any consolation you took my spot,” he laughed.

“You took our spot! Have some courtesy you douche bag!”

“Are you kidding me?”

“You’re a douche…and you’re ugly!” she yelled.

She came across the lot towards him. Her husband stood safely behind the driver’s side door of his car whilst giving my boyfriend the finger.

“What the fuck is your problem?” my boyfriend shouted at him. “Is your spot too close to the restaurant for you?”

“Don’t use that language,” she screamed getting right into my boyfriend’s face and – I am not kidding – weaving and sort of waving her arms. “I have kids in the car. How dare you expose my children to that language!”

I’ll be honest here, folks. I saw red at this point. Every nerve ending sizzled with white hot anger. Not over a dumb parking spot, of course. Who in their right mind would get upset over something as trivial as that? I was incensed because this woman was bullying my boyfriend. She shouted in his face, calling him a douche and ugly, knowing that he could not respond in kind. There was nothing he could do without looking as if he was verbally abusing and attempting to intimidate a woman. Of course the bitch’s husband still stood across the parking lot, hiding behind the safety of his car, shouting “Have some courtesy. Just apologize!”

My boyfriend started towards him but the wife kept shoving herself against him. She did not see me…

Until she did.

Her eyes widened to saucers as I stormed towards her. It could have been my favourite workout outfit that makes me look all toned and strong, my scary mad expression or – thanks to the one hour of hell in a bike seat – my tomato red face that made her back a few steps away from my boyfriend.

My own eyes narrowed to slits as I stepped between them. “What is your fucking problem?” I asked, not yelling but with a cold quiet.

“I have kids! I have children in the car!”

(What a stupid fucking bitch. Maybe she should of thought of that before she started hurling insults at some random stranger in a parking lot.)

“I don’t give a flying fuck about your kids. If you wanted the spot you should have put your signal on.”

“I did have my signal on!”

“You’re lying.”

“Well, I didn’t have time,” she sniffed.

“Lady, if you get this upset over a parking spot, how the hell do you deal with real problems in life?”

She opened her mouth to say something stupid, I’m sure but then changed her mind and closed her yap. I took a step towards her and she immediately stepped aside. Walking past her, the boyfriend and I sailed into the restaurant.


As the title of the posts suggest, I fucking hate bullies. Unless that bully is me. I will bully the shit out of a woman who messes with my boyfriend.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 23, 2013 1:38 am

    Good for you. No need to pick a fight over such a small thing. Don’t hurt what you can’t kill, as they say.

  2. theworld4realz permalink
    June 23, 2013 4:23 pm

    I like how that “Mother of the Year” was worried about naughty words, but not about naughty language… which is of course the more important of the two about which to be concerned. IMO, you can cuss up a storm all day and night without offending me, as long as you treat me and mine the right way. She clearly was an asshole. I detest assholes. I’m glad you guys stuck up for yourselves.

    • theworld4realz permalink
      June 23, 2013 4:24 pm

      Damn it! I said “not about naughty language” when I meant to say “not about naughty BEHAVIOR”. I HATE ME NOW.

  3. juliabarrett permalink
    June 24, 2013 12:10 am

    Oh what a great reply! You are not the bully in this situation. Your poor boyfriend. I thought Canadians were more polite? Was she an American?

  4. June 24, 2013 2:45 pm

    lol I can totally visualize this situation! Nicely written!
    It’s interesting how she is allowed to scream at your boyfriend that he is a d-bag, but he is not allowed to respond using ‘that language’. Talk about double standards. *rolls eyes*

    I love how words of white hot fury spoken quietly will burn through even the most belligerent of minds. 🙂

  5. June 26, 2013 1:44 pm

    OMG – I saw your title and had to read the post…D.C., how do things like this continue to happen in your life…what I’d give to have that kind of adventure *smiles* Nice defense…or offense on your part. I bet your boyfriend’s mouth dropped wide open when you took your stance in the face of that bullying fireball;) You gotta use this in one of your books…you just gotta.

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