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I Am Officially One of THOSE People

September 11, 2013

food allergy comicYep, I’m one of those people. The nightmare dinner guest. The most annoying restaurant patron. The person who ticks off more foods she cannot eat than foods she can on meal request cards. The lady who carries around healthy snacks and a drug store’s worth of pills in her purse in the event she accidentally ingests something that doesn’t agree with her.

On the bright side, after years of hospital visits and dealing with dismissive, condescending doctors, I finally have an answer to what ails me. On the dark side, it’s pretty much everything that one can masticate.

The tests are in and they show some interesting results. I am allergic to eggs, gluten, dairy and whey, oh my. Couple that with my inability and unwillingness to digest meat and I’m fucked.

I will admit, I spent some time mourning the personal loss of beer (okay, a LOT of time) but I still feel pretty relieved. See, I have spent more days feeling shitty than well this summer. Much of this beautiful weather was wasted with me curled in a fetal position on the cool surface of the washroom tiles. And at least the stuff that I’m allergic to is all shit that one should not stuff into their body any way, right? Right?

Hey, there is always the option of living on sushi (with gluten-free soy sauce, of course) and wine. And on those days when I just have to gorge on something greasy and terrible, I can always turn to my favourite; French fries with vegetarian gravy. As long as there is no flour in that gravy.

All-in-all, it’s not that bad, really. Except for my friends who are brave (stupid) enough to invite me to dinner. Those are the people I feel sorry for.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 11, 2013 4:24 pm

    Well, that sucks. 😦

  2. September 11, 2013 5:49 pm

    Fries and gravy sounds delicious, and hey, you get to drink wine!

  3. September 13, 2013 2:32 am

    Sweetie so sorry your summer was so rough ~ I’ve missed your posts
    I would have you for dinner anytime

  4. September 16, 2013 2:38 am

    Sorry you had an awful summer — I missed your posts, too. Glad you are back and feeling better!

  5. October 29, 2013 2:29 am

    Huh, you just might fit right in with my family. Let’s see… two brothers in law are lactose intolerant; my mother and a sister have to avoid gluten; my dad is allergic to nuts, most seeds, and almost anything soy; one uncle is on dialysis and has to avoid a whole raft of stuff; I and several other family members have varying degrees of hypoglycemia; and then there are the usual dislikes and preference that haunt the typical large family meal.

    Yeah, Thanksgiving is always an adventure. 😀

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