Skip to content

Pumpkin Pornography

October 29, 2011

Yesterday, I showed up at my mom’s door with four pumpkins, two bottles of red wine and a bag of tiny chocolate bars. Holy shit did we have fun! I cannot say the same for my little brother but, whatever, teenagers can be such prudes.

Here are pictures from my mother’s and my foray into pumpkin pornography. I think we did pretty well for first timers.

Ride 'em Cowboy

lewd pumpkin carving

Money Shot


ass pumpkin carving

Rear View

We cajoled, begged and bribed my brother into carving a pumpkin of his very own. Here is what he came up with:

alternative pumpkin carving


I realize this was yet another form of protest against my mother’s and my antics but I still think his pumpkin carving was quite clever. For some reason, he seemed displeased that we were so pleased. Teenagers? Who can figure them out.

Now, while I am on the topic (sort of) of visiting my mother’s house, do you all remember my telling of the awkwardness at a sexy party? The one where my mother told me she would put “that pretty dildo that looks like a dolphin” on display in her bathroom? Well, at some point in the evening, I wandered into her washroom and guess what was on her shelf? Yep, you got it.

Glass Dolphin Dildo

Glass Dolphin Dildo

It really does look like a dolphin, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I am off to get ready for Halloween festivities, folks. Have a spook-tacular Saturday!

14 Comments leave one →
  1. October 29, 2011 7:09 pm

    I gotta say it… I love your mom. She frickin’ ROCKS D.C.~ lol

  2. October 29, 2011 7:54 pm

    OMG! You are hilarious! Your poor little brother, but I agree, which a clever pumpkin he carved.

  3. October 29, 2011 8:41 pm

    Awesome! I wish I had your mom.

  4. October 29, 2011 9:14 pm

    Yeah, my mom is a lot cooler than I am, that’s for sure.

  5. October 30, 2011 12:02 am

    OMG! Your poor brother! He’s surrounded!

  6. October 30, 2011 12:09 am

    I love that your brother did at least join in. As for that girl on the cowboy she’s headed for a head injury. LOL

  7. October 30, 2011 3:45 am

    OMG! I showed my husband. Hahaha…You’re an artist! And I like the pretty dolphin dildo. I could totally see my mom putting one in her bathroom as art too. In fact, I’m emailing this link to my mom! LOL

  8. October 30, 2011 6:34 pm

    Julia Rachel Barrett and bridgetstraub, it will only get worse for him as he gets older, I’m afraid!

  9. October 30, 2011 11:09 pm

    At least the dildo arguably looks more like a dolphin than a dildo. The unsuspecting would probably just think it’s a nice dolphin. Only when it’s dildoness is pointed out do you kind of squint at it and go ‘Oh….’

  10. November 10, 2011 12:39 am

    I am totally doing pornographic pumpkins next Halloween. Awesomesauce!

  11. November 10, 2011 3:34 am

    I hope I do them next year, too!


  1. Preventing Tantrums, Teenage Mom Style « D.C. McMillen
  2. Awkwardness in the Bathtub « D.C. McMillen
  3. I Found My Vibrator. Merry Christmas « D.C. McMillen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: